HAPPPPYYYY BELATED BIRTHDAY MY BABY GIRL <3

first of all, i'm so so sorry that i couldn't complete this gift on time.. i know that even if you're okay with it, the appreciation for this gift is probably not going to be as much as if i had given it on the first day.

but anyways, i CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE 20 NOW!!!!!!!

you're literally not a teenager anymore baby, and i'm so so proud of you for that <3 i knew you could do it and you did it with so much grace and kindness still intact in your soul. i can't believe that we've known each other for so long now, it seems so unreal to me and probably to you as well my love <3

i know we've had our ups and downs since the past few weeks, and probably for our entire relationship, but i couldn't be happier writing this down knowing that you're mine. did u know that you're sleeping while i'm writing this? it feels like me writing down in a journal while you're sleeping next to me weheheh

and i know that usually the person who has the birthday is supposed to make the wish, but i wish that in the future that me and you can actually lie down next to each other and take in what feelings we have for one another, and also that those exact feelings makes us stay together forever and ever my love <3 cheers to a new year and to all the new chapters that you're gonna have in your beautiful life!

i'm so proud of you

now i just wanted to focus on telling you how fricking proud i am of you, like, literally look at you. you look beautiful, with a kind heart, and an adorable playful soul. that's so hard for other people to do but you do it so effortlessly, i'm pretty sure that other people must be jealous of you :3

all the things that you do, whether it's an exam or a presentation or any little art or speaking that you work on is always so polished and professional, i feel like you're making me look like im a noob, even though i know those things as well :p i honestly believe that if you put your mind to it, you could really achieve it because you're so hardworking and passionate for the things that you do, it reminds me as well to always work and do my things properly, you're like an inspiration to me, and i couldn't ask for anything more from a life partner <3

you're all everything i could ask from a girlfriend, and even more, which makes you the best girlfriend ever and of course, my amazing and fantastic wife :3 additionally, what else inspires me is how hard you're always trying to balance things, most of the time when you're working on your uni things you always complete it and deliver on your efforts, and when it's an opportunity to spend time with me, you always take it (except when u fall asleep smh). it makes me feel like i should keep pushing to be better as well!!

and for those reasons i'm so proud of you (of course there's more reasons, but i don't wanna waste your time wehehe this gift is already so late)

you matter

i know since the past few weeks you haven't been the best that you could feel, because of the people around you making you think that you're not enough or that you don't matter. and sadly, i sometimes become a reason for those feelings that you feel as well. it makes me feel so ashamed and scared when i make you feel that way and i wish in that moment that i could undo the things that i said to you or the actions that i did.

i know being sorry for it isn't going to help anyone anymore, but i just want you to know that even if i feel mad or upset at you for anything, i'm extremely sorry my love. it's not my intention to make you get upset at me as well and it's certainly not to make you feel worthless or make you feel insecure. i want you to remember that even in the darkest of times when you feel like no one's on your side or no one is helping you, i'm always supporting you in those moments, even if i made you feel like that somehow. you should just remember that this version of me, that's writing this, is still supporting you deep down and the version of me that's making you upset or angry is being stupid and will come back to be normal with you in some time. again, this is not a justification or anything for bad behavior, but it's just a way for me to let you know that i'll always be here for you.

it doesn't matter if you're feeling sad or upset or mad or happy or anything; i'll be here for you even if you feel good or bad, i wish to spend all your good and bad moments with you.

i know sometimes the people around you hurt you really bad, and it can be really hard to get out of thinking that everyone hates you and that you're better off not being here for them anymore... but i just wish that you see it from a different perspective, something like "they just can't see the way i help them" instead of thinking that they are right and you're the useless or worthless one. you matter to me so much, and i hope that one day even if i'm not here, you can take care of yourself while you look at these words.

you just have to take deep breaths and remember - you matter. if not to the people around you, then you matter to me. but you matter, okei? :3

thank you <3

this is just to say thank you for being with me, even through all the things that we've both went through in our relationship and outside of it as well :3 i know it's not easy to be so kind all the time, because i know i can't be like that and you know it, and i genuinely aspire to be like that for you, and i promise that i'm trying my hardest to do so.

i just wanna thank you for being so strong for me, going through everything that you did, spending time with me, putting in the effort for being together with me, knowing that you could've decided not to do any of that completely

and the biggest reason of all; thank you for accepting this late birthday gift, as embarrassing as it is, i hope you like it from this point onward too <3